Lord, help my unbelief.

This has been the cry of our hearts today. We know God is sovereign, we know He is writing this story and that His ending is always right but we find ourselves longing for a path to that ending that is easy and without more heartache.

This morning as Brent, Alex, and I sat on the couch in our Dallas Airbnb, singing Christmas carols with our church family in Nashville through zoom, we received a phone call from our surgeon at Scottish Rite. She was calling with very hard news and I could hear in her voice right away that it wasn't easy for her. I admire this woman so much and am thankful she was willing to pick up the phone and be the one to have this conversation with us. She called to let us know that Alex’s Covid test results had just come back and they were positive. We were in shock and disbelief. We felt angry and sad at the same time. She could have let the office call but she made the call herself and she grieved the news with us and then we discussed next steps. Our hearts are broken that we are once again in a position to have to postpone this surgery. It was so hard to tell Alex and she wept when she heard. She was so ready for tomorrow to get here and to get this behind her. The three of us sat and cried together and then she did what she always does and started digging for the bright and shiny places in the situation. She quickly realized that this meant she would see her brothers and sisters sooner and she has been missing them dearly. She also realized we would all be able to be home together for Christmas. Through lots of pouring her little heart out today she decided today that when she grows up she wants to be a doctor just like Dr. Johnson or a blood drawer just like Mr. Michael. We know God has amazing plans for our Alex and it will be fun to watch those plans unfold, although sometimes I think I might like to try it without some of the excitement we seem to find along the way.

Today we packed our apartment, loaded the car, stopped for some ice cream and started our trek back to Tennessee, holding on as best we can to the hope that something better awaits us when the six weeks are over and we find ourselves back in Texas for surgery. We are thankful that Alex feels fine, she has no symptoms, and plenty of energy and appetite. The other children of course also have mixed emotions. They are excited we are headed home, excited we will be home for Christmas, but also struggling with the reality that we will have to start all over with this process in a few weeks. We appreciate your kind words, prayers, encouragements, and tears as you have grieved with us all along this journey. We are thankful that so many will pray and love on us and our children. Please keep us in your prayers as we travel, as we get home and regroup and change gears, and as we prepare to try again in approximately six weeks.

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The days of travel to Dallas on Tuesday and Wednesday and then our Thursday through Sunday were smooth, and restful. We took some walks around town from our apartment, found some places to collect pecans, played lots of thimble in sight, ate good food, and watched some Christmas movies.

We, and by we I mean “they” did push ups on the balcony, and we made and decorated cookies for Christmas.

Brent gave Alex a new hat all of her own to match his since she is always stealing the one off of his head. We read books and colored on the balcony on nice days.

From our balcony we could see a construction crew working on a tower of some kind. It was a constant joy to watch the crane operator bringing loads up to the men working on the top of the tower and watching them climb all up the sides of the tower while they worked. One evening we even got to watch the crane operator climb out of his box and go all the way down. Sometimes it is the little things that bring the most joy.

It was much different than the speed we are used to keeping at home so it was a nice change of pace but also difficult to find ways to occupy our time while still keeping to ourselves. Hopefully in this post you were able to see the good, the bad, and the ugly. My goal is to always show the real of life but also to show that even when we are discouraged or hurting there is hope.

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